Author Topic: The Perfect Poo  (Read 2085 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


  • Guest
The Perfect Poo
« on: March 22, 2006, 12:46 AM »

My hat goes off to someone who
Can execute The Perfect Poo!
No messy diarrhea-doer
Whose work is worthy of the sewer,
Nor one who plops a giant turd
With noisy splash that's overheard
By guests in the adjoining rooms,
Nor pooper who produces fumes
To make a strong man choke and cough--
Nay, instead my hat is off
To that rare jewel, someone who
Can create The Perfect Poo!

There are those who fill their bowls
With blobs resembling doughnut holes,
And those who dump a Baby Ruth
And call it "Beauty", call it "Truth".
I've seen a toidy with a coil
That some might label "B.M. Royal",
And I've heard of one artiste
Who thinks it's best when done the least.
But nothing they can say or do
Will ever match The Perfect Poo!

Anyone can sit upon
And fill the throne that's in the john;
Anyone can take a dump
And produce a gooey lump;
We all can occupy the throne
And do a duty when alone
And think that what is done is Art,
When, in fact, it's just a fart
Gone solid, packed in overnight--
Nothing special, nothing quite
As rare and marvelous and true
And perfect as The Perfect Poo!

The Perfect Poo, as one might guess,
Is no untidy, lumpy mess.
It has no curve, it has no bend;
Eight inches long from end to end,
No lumps or bumps or grooves or lines
Or marks or other telltale signs
Of what one had for dinner last,
Or gaseous wind that should have passed.
The Perfect Poo is smooth and round
And comes to pass without a sound.
Without a noise it leaves the hole
And glides with grace into the bowl
With not one bulge and not one bend--
It's tapered nicely at each end.

Tell me not of legends old,
Of dragons, knights, and chieftains bold;
Praise not the heroes sung in song,
Captains courageous, pirates strong;
I don't want to hear of those
Immortalized in historic prose!
I don't want to hear the tale
Of someone who can tame a whale
Or swash his buckles, plunder, rape,
Unsheath his sword or flash his cape!
I'm not impressed by blood he drew
Or by his tales of derring-do;
But, tell me, is it really true?
Can he do The Perfect Poo?

 Â                                            ---mimi