Author Topic: My first short story  (Read 1771 times)

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Offline elise

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My first short story
« on: March 19, 2004, 05:09 AM »
WOW Myd!!!   Indeed it is very much in Poe's style!!!  You do him justice!!!  I was riveted to my chair while reading held me captive the entire time!  A shocker and very well written!
Thank you for sharing!!!
I felt it shelter to speak to you  ~Emily Dickinson

Offline Mydnight

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My first short story
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2004, 09:23 PM »
This is my first atempt at a short story, and since i am a fan of poe i wrote this in the poe tradition. please give me your honest opinion  
of anything i need to work on or better thank you .

The Flower Garden

I lay awake staring off into the nothingness,
The darkness of the night envelopes me in its cloak.
Silence so deep that I can hear the beat of my own heart
I strain all my senses to hear it again.
There it is.
That faint scratching sound.
Then silence surrounds me again.
Not even the chirping of a cricket to stir the night.
I tell myself it is just my imagination There is nothing stirring in the night.
I remember back to last night, I recall it as if it is a bad dream.
But to remember last night I fear I must recall the events that lead up to that fateful eve.
I don’t remember exactly when the thought came to me to do what I had done.
I believe it all started with the letter.
The letter that was not meant for my eyes to see.
It was then that I found she had a new love.
The woman that I had pledged all my love and heart to.
She who had given meaning to my pitiful existence of a life.
The content of the letter is of no importance.
Needless to say it said she loved me not.
It must have been at that moment
That the darkness that lives deep within all men’s soul surfaced.
I knew then that if she was not to be mine I was never to let another man claim her.
Insane you say I am?
That may well be. But in my insanity was born the plan.
Night after night I lay there listening to her breathe in the night.
Knowing what I must do.
Yes what I MUST do .
For now that thought consumed my every wakening second.
Then last night it happened.
She was sitting in her favorite chair writing in her pad.
A letter to her lover no doubt.
Pledging her love to him, the love that should be all mine.
I could take it no longer, The darkness had consumed my very soul.
I slithered silently up behind her.
I say slithered for only the demon snake could do what I was about to.
I pulled the cloth over her mouth and nose tightly.
Feeling her struggle beneath my grasp.
But it was all in vain for she was no match for my strength.
Soon she ceased to move but I kept the cloth n place to make sure the deed was done.
Her pad had fallen to the floor.
I retrieved it to read the last words to her lover.
It was to her lover for sure.
But it was not pledging her love to him, no not at all.
The words that she had wrote cut through my heart like a knife.
Her words pledged her love to me as the only man she could or would ever love.
What had I done?
I looked upon her face.
A look of terror forever etched there.
What was I to do?
The body, I had to hide the body.
Out into the night I went, To the garden. That beautiful flower garden that she had planted.
Careful not to disturb the roots of her flowers I dug, Laying them aside.
I dug deeper into the black soil.
When done I went into the house and retrieved her lifeless body.
I lay it into the black ground.
Carefully replacing the soil then the flowers.
When done no man could tell the ground had been disturbed.
You see now why I lay awake this night.
There again I hear it, That scratching sound.
More loudly now does it ring in my ears.
What is that? Something is there.
I can just make it out in the blackness of the night.
That scratching sound again,
No, wait, it is not scratching. It is a ripping sound I can hear.
It is then I see her standing there beside my bed.
That same look of terror etched upon her face.
Slowly ripping the pages from her pad.
The pages that pledged her love to me.
The servants found my lifeless body the next morning.
My heart had given out they say.
But a look of horror was upon my face.
And a single sheet of blank paper upon my chest.

Robert Shannon Mar, 15, 2004
Life is a poem you just have to know were to look.

Offline Lady SunShine

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My first short story
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2004, 12:18 AM »
I think this is fablious you caught my attention from start and gave me a shocker at the end wonderful keep it up this is simply awesome
Never Let Yesterday's Pain
Ruin Tomorrow's Dreams

Offline Honestly

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My first short story
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2004, 03:59 PM »
Wow...Myd.....outstandi ng grips your attention all the way to the end.....thanks for sharin........
If you are blessed.....always give back something....

Offline petro

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My first short story
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2004, 05:28 PM »
Very spooky read, and well written.  I'm wondering however if you should just make the jump and write a short story replete with the proper punctuation, and structure.  I think the scheme and impetus is worthy of such an endeavor.

"...I know you wont kill me,
but I wonder sometimes..."

Offline Mydnight

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My first short story
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2004, 11:07 PM »
Thank you for your coments and advice i have been thinking about it but finding the time to myself to start such a endevour is hard to find i cant wait to meet you in chat either i am glad to hear you will be joining us
Life is a poem you just have to know were to look.