Author Topic: Time Out  (Read 2183 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline WordFaery

  • Paragon
  • *
  • Posts: 2308
Time Out
« on: March 10, 2013, 06:22 PM »

I found my red lunch bag
thought
I forgot
to bring it home.

Inside
two spoons
glass container with lid
empty sandwich bag
napkins
treatment plan

dated
November 2nd.

PERIOD
hard stop

whiplash

yesterday
was Dad’s birthday
and Charles Bukowski’s death day

crocus
daffodils
robins
motorcycles

renewal

takes time.



WordFaery
"Come Fairies, take me out of this dull world for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame."      W.B. Yeats



Word Faery

Offline LorriS

  • Alley Cat
  • *
  • Posts: 5
Re: Time Out
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2013, 11:43 AM »
I like the emotions the poem evokes, but I think capitalization and punctuation would make it more powerful.

Offline cy street

  • Paragon
  • *
  • Posts: 1796
  • the sound you hear is life moving through me
    • another dam same river
Re: Time Out
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2013, 01:20 AM »
It pleases me to return here after a hiatus.  Some of my poems are missing, moving on...  Your poem, brings me back to what I like about this place, the knowledge of stones along the river bed.  We don't know were we are going, but we know there are storms coming and mountain bikers too.  I could ascribe my thoughts to these words, but that's not why I am here.  I like the poem.  I love any plot with Bukowski in it, forgive me.  BTW, your injection of CB worked for me, sometimes it doesn't.  I will spare you the you tubes...  What I like, is the sound of your ink, our thoughts and the inside of your red bag. 

Best,
moi
now was always better than then

Offline Halo

  • Senior Alley Hostess
  • *
  • Posts: 2180
  • who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure
Re: Time Out
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2013, 03:31 AM »
Good to see you back, Cy... you never PM'd me the list of your missing poems, so I couldn't reinstate them. I did fix one, but have no idea
what other threads they're missing from.
Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.  ~  Ira Gassen

Offline elise

  • Alley Cat Assistant
  • *
  • Posts: 4223
Re: Time Out
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2013, 07:35 PM »
WF, I loved the emotions I felt when I read this.  Nice work!
 :rose
I felt it shelter to speak to you  ~Emily Dickinson

Offline Kay

  • Serene
  • Paragon
  • *
  • Posts: 5111
    • poetry
Re: Time Out
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2014, 03:38 PM »
I like this. I'd forget Charles and make it all about you.

I  mean, why not. Right? We're entitled after so many years.