Author Topic: Time Out  (Read 2299 times)

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Offline WordFaery

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Time Out
« on: March 10, 2013, 10:22 PM »

I found my red lunch bag
I forgot
to bring it home.

two spoons
glass container with lid
empty sandwich bag
treatment plan

November 2nd.

hard stop


was Dad’s birthday
and Charles Bukowski’s death day



takes time.

"Come Fairies, take me out of this dull world for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame."      W.B. Yeats

Word Faery

Offline LorriS

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Re: Time Out
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2013, 03:43 PM »
I like the emotions the poem evokes, but I think capitalization and punctuation would make it more powerful.

Offline cy street

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  • the sound you hear is life moving through me
    • another dam same river
Re: Time Out
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2013, 05:20 AM »
It pleases me to return here after a hiatus.  Some of my poems are missing, moving on...  Your poem, brings me back to what I like about this place, the knowledge of stones along the river bed.  We don't know were we are going, but we know there are storms coming and mountain bikers too.  I could ascribe my thoughts to these words, but that's not why I am here.  I like the poem.  I love any plot with Bukowski in it, forgive me.  BTW, your injection of CB worked for me, sometimes it doesn't.  I will spare you the you tubes...  What I like, is the sound of your ink, our thoughts and the inside of your red bag. 

now was always better than then

Offline Halo

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Re: Time Out
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2013, 07:31 AM »
Good to see you back, Cy... you never PM'd me the list of your missing poems, so I couldn't reinstate them. I did fix one, but have no idea
what other threads they're missing from.
Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.  ~  Ira Gassen

Offline elise

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Re: Time Out
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2013, 11:35 PM »
WF, I loved the emotions I felt when I read this.  Nice work!
I felt it shelter to speak to you  ~Emily Dickinson

Offline Kay

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Re: Time Out
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2014, 07:38 PM »
I like this. I'd forget Charles and make it all about you.

I  mean, why not. Right? We're entitled after so many years.