Author Topic: New World Order  (Read 2426 times)

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Offline SkaaDee

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    • SkaaDee
New World Order
« on: February 26, 2013, 11:07 AM »

if god walked this planet, his name was Noah.
as the flood waters rose and neighbours pounded his craft
with fist and rock, he sat huddled
with his animals and family.

what words passed between them, modern civilization
has no foundation from which to understand.

screams and cursing and all traces of an evolution
slowly petered out and was replaced with torrents
sounding patterns on gopher wood -- thunder
and lightning -- day in and day out.

at some point Noah found a quiet corner of the ark
and drew up a list of stories to pass through
this pin prick of survival. every idea he ever despised
he left buried at sea.

there must have been a point where he invented stories
of a god leading him, premonitions and providence.
he seized this opportunity for words to become sacred
and commands to become law.

for a brief time, a ball traveling around the sun
became one man's possession. it was smooth. it was round.
it was quiet. soon he would stick his flag in solid land.

the evil thought of drowning his first born on up
must have entered his mind. evil only because he declared it so.
then after he tired of days, he could have laid on a hill,
consumed the poison berry and watched a race go down
with the sun.

when the rain stopped and the sun shone, doves
eventually never came back. when Noah brought his craft
to the edge of dry land, he lit a fire.

flames and smoke soon darkened weathered trees, darkened
a blue sky, even the sun. he placed an animal on the flames
and charred it into extinction. his ears, the last
to hear its cry.


Offline samspeaks

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Re: New World Order
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2013, 10:37 AM »
I find the message to be greater than the words and many of the words to be unneeded. I'd love to see a more succinct revision, whittling away some of the chaff and exposing the raw emotion I see. I think this is a short poem with a lot of clothes on it.

Offline SkaaDee

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  • Posts: 328
    • SkaaDee
Re: New World Order
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2015, 11:46 PM »
I find the message to be greater than the words and many of the words to be unneeded. I'd love to see a more succinct revision, whittling away some of the chaff and exposing the raw emotion I see. I think this is a short poem with a lot of clothes on it.

Thanks Sam

It's a good idea.
I'll give it a try


thanks



Offline SkaaDee

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  • Posts: 328
    • SkaaDee
Re: New World Order
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2015, 11:50 PM »
if god walked this planet, his name was Noah.
as the flood waters rose and neighbours pounded his craft
with fist and rock, he sat huddled
with his animals and family.

screams and cursing and all traces of an evolution
slowly petered out and were replaced with torrents
sounding patterns on gopher wood -- thunder
and lightning -- day in and day out.

at some point Noah found a quiet corner of the ark
and drew up a list of stories to pass through
this pin prick of survival. every idea he ever despised
he left buried at sea.

for a brief time, a ball traveling around the sun
became one man's possession. it was smooth. it was round.
it was quiet. he would stick his flag in solid land.

  the evil thought of drowning his family, one after another
  must have entered his mind. evil only because he declared it so.
  then after he tired of days, he could lay on a hill,
  consume the poison berry and experience a race go down
  with the sun.

when the rain stopped and the sun shone, doves
eventually never came back. when Noah brought his craft
to the edge of dry land, he lit a fire.

flames and smoke soon darkened weathered trees, darkened
a blue sky, even the sun. he placed an animal on the flames
and charred it into extinction. his ears, the last
to hear its cry.