Author Topic: Chain verse hybrid  (Read 283 times)

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Offline DeckardBR-26354

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  • Walking between the kibble
Chain verse hybrid
« on: July 24, 2012, 06:57 PM »
40 past;

            not but twenty
            saw her face

            jumped a puddle,
            a skipping stone
            shown chestnut hair

            fair skinned
            not yet kissed
            by sun

            run, chased by time
            sublime, come to her;
            a sun-warmed rock

            talk the ocean
            to the girl
            "pearl dive"

            dove the girl
            to the water
            daughter of the sea

            40 passed;
            not but twenty
            saw her face

Offline seraph

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Re: Chain verse hybrid
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2012, 08:17 AM »
Hi,

I read this a number of times and on the third time I felt that I began to feel the poem's voice.

I especially liked these lines:

         
Quote
  talk the ocean
            to the girl
            "pearl dive"

            dove the girl
            to the water
            daughter of the sea

I didn't understand the 40 past not twenty though.

Anne

Offline DeckardBR-26354

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Re: Chain verse hybrid
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2012, 05:46 PM »
I wrote the piece for a co-worker when she turned 40. She doesn't look a day over 20. I suspect that one day, she will just take a nose dive instead of a slow burn. Maybe Raquel Welch and Sophia Loren are shining examples of aging gracefully. She doesn't dress or style out of her limits, she's just one of those rarities. Would it derail the rhythm if I added, "years" after 40?