Author Topic: Only The Darkness  (Read 877 times)

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Offline Mystic1

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Only The Darkness
« on: July 12, 2012, 08:47 PM »

Fancy dress and cardboard smiles
obscure the truth. All the world’s a stage
and Life, the grand play. Our convex lens
distorts, ever so slightly, these shades
of greying twilight through double-panes.
Minuets prance toward preordained silence;
our insubstantial partners, through shadowed dusk,
with none-too-clear perception seen. Somewhere
in the abandoned corners, just at the edge of the rising moon -
among the litter of love letters and half-written poetry,
a pair of golden spectacles gleam, (The small print
reads better without them.)
and only the darkness still speaks.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

witt

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2012, 05:16 AM »


You have some interesting images here, but come on, "all the world's a stage?"

litter of love letters and half-written poetry,
a pair of golden spectacles gleam


I like all the visual references scattered throughout, and then you jump to speech at the end.





Offline seraph

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2012, 03:41 PM »
I also enjoyed the images you have created here.

Perceptions can remain unclear with spectacles, microscopes and telescopes.

The world can be a cryptic place.

Anne

Offline Halo

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2012, 08:04 PM »
Morning G, your words fill my mind with images softened by pale gold light, this piece is infused with it.

It is true, life is a grand play and I sometimes think we are all playing roles on a very large stage, a left
over suspicion from my childhood.


Quote
(The small print
reads better without them.)

this caused me considerable thought.

B



Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.  ~  Ira Gassen

Offline Mystic1

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2012, 02:17 AM »
...but come on, "all the world's a stage?"

Witt: Yes, All the world’s a stage... Classic or cliché? You decide. Perception becomes Reality. But, if only what each of us perceives as Reality is separate and distinct from another’s – individually - what then, can we say is truly, honestly, Real? Does something become Real simply because we perceive it to be so? Is something Real merely on the basis of sensual information...or is it Real because we believe such a thing exists?

I like all the visual references scattered throughout, and then you jump to speech at the end.

I know you wrote this as a statement, (I see the period at the end.) but I hear a question. When we close ourselves off from the trappings of the False by which we are surrounded and mired in...search Inward instead of Out, what we often find is the Truth we have always carried. Only within this stillness can the Voice that Is, be heard. Reality is not what is perceived Outside of ourselves, but the Truth which speaks from the darkness of our own empty mind.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

witt

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2012, 05:39 AM »


This sounds like you watched the first episode of the new tv show Perception and quoted the opening speech by the professor.



Offline Bill

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2012, 08:40 AM »
Mystic,

First of all, there are far too many abstract reference points to grant this presentation much more than smoke and mirrors.  In addition, the Shakespearean quote is classic, but when used by another to fill space, it becomes cliche'.

In both the poem, and your extended explanation of what it is supposed to mean, you present, by your poem and its explanation, a perception, but promote it as reality.  Therefore, if faithful to both poem and explanation, and in respect to them, the conclusions you draw are oxymorons. 

In addition, there is a tinge of arrogance in the explanation.  If someone makes a statement, it should be received as such, not "perceived" by the one to whom it is directed as a "question."  Again, doing so contradicts the poem's main thesis; if someone makes a statement, that is the person's reality.  To challenge it as other than what it is presumes a superior intellectual position and the ability to read hearts and minds.

The former is a bit elitist and the latter is above your paygrade, Mystic.

Keep writing,
Bill


Offline Kay

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2012, 01:15 PM »
Mystic,

While I like this as a whole, my problem is with the opening two lines. They are statements that seem disjointed and so I'm not quite getting it. "cardboard smiles" I want to see that but I don't.

If there is an explanation in this poem as Bill indicated, it escapes me.

If this were mine, I'd cut right to the chase and begin here:


Our convex lens
distorts, ever so slightly, these shades
of [greying] twilight through double-panes.

edit: I just noticed I was in the wrong forum
but had read other's critiques. Please feel free
to disregard. I wasn't paying attention to which forum
I was in!

Offline cafeRg

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2012, 05:25 PM »


Now its all good  *hehe*

If anyone is wondering what myself and kay are talking about ..well I moved to the correct forum based on the convo

carry on..


         :kool
Disclaimer: cafeRg could be wrong.

Offline Kay

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2012, 03:39 PM »
Thanks, Rg. it's a great poem and worthy of critique!

Offline Mystic1

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2012, 10:05 PM »
Witt, Kay: I agree, the opening is weak and I’m working to improve it. As a clarification: please feel free to critique any piece I post, regardless of location. Good, bad, or indifferent...I don't mind.

B, Annie: Thanks for your reads and comments...they are much appreciated.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Offline noirjente

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2012, 03:29 PM »
All I know is there are some really good and well constructed stuff here...

Me, I'll brave the gruel of cliche if tenderloin follows.

Offline Mystic1

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Re: Only The Darkness
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2012, 10:15 AM »
All I know is there are some really good and well constructed stuff here...

Me, I'll brave the gruel of cliche if tenderloin follows.

races to the kitchen and whips up a quick bearnaise sauce to make the cliche a bit more palatable.  :tongue

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not for our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.