Author Topic: Oh, just a simple song will do.  (Read 1299 times)

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Offline jdstaley

  • Josh Staley
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Oh, just a simple song will do.
« on: May 15, 2012, 09:20 AM »
creation should have been
a martyr a word or some sort of
pull string confetti place
in time

worming it's way saying everything
grips feathery blithering hints
an icy beast slobbers steamy saliva
on below brick rock believe

funny you smile
shine a while
then fall prey
exactly what
they all say

until meeting it
the end

or not to be tussled with
instrument of destined tumultuous
spread demon eyes
yes demon brain
yes demon jokes

are versions of some story
amusing devils forsake
blood gore
coy joy

just
to
be

funny

in the land where sands hourglasses
and what's behind or below the bed
is left

ostensibly out in the open and said
have a sip of the groggy assumptions
you might have already

heady people believe
creative people believe
and you reading
smirking

earlier at least
treat me like your mother
what you call your boss to his face
smoke from the engine

tells me you are too worldly
and duty dictates no more waiting
no more typing
you're done!

you may go!

you're welcome!
Beelzebub says hi - no matter just know that he does.
All Ways.

Offline jdstaley

  • Josh Staley
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a New style!!!
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2012, 09:29 AM »
I picked up a few things since my last visit and here they are!!!
let me know what you think really - I love critique and don't get my
feelings hurt very easily.
All Ways.

Offline illiterati

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Re: Oh, just a simple song will do.
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2012, 12:36 PM »


so - more detailed when i've had a minute to reflect,

but i thought the "beelzebub says hi" at the end was particularly effective.

what would happen if this opened the piece?

i could see you getting a lot of mileage out of this in terms of linking it to the disjointed verbal poetics of the piece...

but again let me think on this.

-matt

Offline Kay

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    • poetry
Re: Oh, just a simple song will do.
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2012, 12:43 PM »
reminds me of Zevon, but then he is my fav. singer so I often think of him.

I liked this.