Author Topic: Dull Gold  (Read 1350 times)

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Offline Matthew Pelletier

  • Alley Cat
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Dull Gold
« on: May 09, 2012, 08:51 PM »
GLITTERS: valueless

Panorama: Dark/unappreciated

Locusts-Clogging space and Cricket Violins

                        Shines
A beacon of light   Shines
                        Shines

Too far to aim-Asleep, Crops

Vanquish Insect Hunger

Offline illiterati

  • Willows
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Re: Dull Gold
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2012, 10:32 AM »


my favorite line: "Vanquish Insect Hunger"


i think people often miss the role of humor in randomness and non-relation:

to do random well isn't random at all!

Offline Matthew Pelletier

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  • Posts: 71
Re: Dull Gold
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2012, 12:08 PM »
Thank you! I meant that crops were ending the locust's hunger, but letting it stand alone at the end gives it the feel of a command. (To me, at least.) I tried to make the poem sound sporadic and varied more so than random, but it is a bit too cryptic to not seem that way

Offline jdstaley

  • Josh Staley
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  • To Heal With Knowledge
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Re: Dull Gold
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2012, 09:34 AM »
GLITTERS: valueless

well the economy of language appears to
have a haiku sort of feel until

                        Shines
A beacon of light   Shines
                        Shines

great piece - I would think outside of demonstrative
statements enough to realize you're on to a good
way of communicating and documenting things but I think
you should go into further detail with less words.

for example, ( I love to see her walk ) could be ( love her saunter )
have a good time with that idea.

-jd
All Ways.