Author Topic: Handmaid's Icons  (Read 2248 times)

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Offline champagne_shoes

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Handmaid's Icons
« on: May 06, 2012, 12:24 PM »
(a cold tribute to Pablo Neruda and his refugee mermaid).

If I bathe her scales
am I doomed to disease? Will love finally
heal or kill?

Hush.
No answer is forthcoming.
My ancestors have swum in lotus-eaten ponds.
Mud denied their shrill urges.

This tune has been lulled
by Neruda and Cohen;
its witnesses fed up to the gills.

I mimic handmaid, dexterous and pale.
Minnows dart in my throat;
seahorses leap through my heart
into a bloodstream that is lonely and frail.

I have lived
indescribable years,
and I am here for one purpose alone:
to lure my errant urchins home.
"A community of poets is like a community of cats." joey

Offline illiterati

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Re: Handmaid's Icons
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2012, 01:35 PM »
cs -

in the short time i've been lurking around this site, i think this is my favorite of your posts.



If I bathe her scales 
am I doomed to disease? Will love finally
heal or kill?    (i love the contrast between the ur-fantasy of the mermaid and the reality of contracting disease from fish)

Hush.
No answer is forthcoming. (another wd besides forthcoming?)
My ancestors have swum in lotus-eaten ponds. (hmmm.. are the ponds lotus-eaten, or are the lotuses nibbled on?)
Mud condemned them
to shrill urges.

This tune has been lulled
by Neruda and Cohen;
its witnesses are fed up to the gills.

I am mere handmaid, humbled and pale. (blech)
Minnows dart in my throat; (my favorite line)
seahorses leap through my heart (more of this!)
into a bloodstream that is lonely and frail.

I have lived
uncountable (wd?) years,
and I am here for one purpose only:
to sing my errant creatures home.

(not sure about the ending)

Offline SkaaDee

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Re: Handmaid's Icons
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2012, 01:52 PM »
Hi shoes

You have a powerful command.
Your poems sparkle even taken in small chunks.

I particularly like the last two stanzas.
If I may, the 3rd stanza wakes me a bit from the dream; the mention of poets
reminds me this is a poem, but perhaps it's necessary.


Nevertheless, the expose of your refined mind subtly weaves through your poems.

 

Offline champagne_shoes

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Re: Handmaid's Icons
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2012, 02:44 PM »
Thank you both for your time and attention.
 I am helplessly fixated on Pablo Neruda's Fable of The Mermaid & The Drunks.

Further more,

Cohen's 1000 Kisses Deep has my language blindsided.

Perhaps my comment makes sense only to those who are water-signed, or, more alarming, to no one at all.
"A community of poets is like a community of cats." joey

Offline seraph

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Re: Handmaid's Icons
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2012, 06:45 AM »
This is stunning. You have woven many icons into this poem and I found it to be primordial and sophisticated.

There are no changes to be made that I can see.

seraph

Offline champagne_shoes

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Re: Handmaid's Icons
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2012, 07:26 PM »
Thank you for the visit and generous comments, Seraph.
I look forward to reading you soon.

I've tweaked this quite a bit, but will probably leave it alone for a good long while.
You have comforted me and made me smile throughout a variety of landscapes.
Perhaps there are still some (good)surprises in store for us.
"A community of poets is like a community of cats." joey

Offline cy street

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Re: Handmaid's Icons
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2015, 03:04 AM »
not sure how i missed this. sea urchin, neruda, cohen and sea horses? for fucks sake woman, you hit all three chords and one of them twice on my broken guitar. apologies for missing this one, but thank you for the message in the bottle that this place has become. i hope your island licks the sun with the same vigor as my beach front...

i would say i miss you,
but that would be i lie.
i visit you often,
beneath the red box
that says

unless
you're sure you want to reply...

best,
swak.
bish
now was always better than then