well, you're obviously here to get better and not taking things too personally, so here we go:
First off, I think the artwork sucks, but hey that's just my opinion. I won't let it get in the way of some valuable advice.
The best lesson to writing good poetry is to learn how to identify bad poetry. In regards to this piece, I echo Steve's opinion.
Cliches: Avoid overused words and phrases, they come across as novice or lazy. It's very difficult to make them work.
fractals fade fusing
layers of paths overlapping
swirling vortices of sapphire
laced with fuchsia
woven with violaceous light
shadow spirits emerge
as artist caresses canvas
life through filament flows
crying out loud in coloured acrylic
silence resonates
every tender stroke
drawn from every whit
unveiling the artist
as there he hangs on exhibit
his soul-soaked canvas
dripping with his dreams
Another bit of advice, when writing poetry, try not to sound too— wait for it— poetic. It comes across forced/ contrived and stands out like a sore thumb. Here's a an example of a writer making good use of some over used words (and topic).
so you want to be a writer?
If it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.
don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.
when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.
—Charles Bukowski
There's a start anyways, and Steve is right: Read more established poets, moreover, read some tutorials, there's plenty on the internet.
If you can look back at your earlier writing and see (and sometimes cringe) at what other writers saw, you'll know you've grown.
Keep at it, don't get discouraged, and remember everyone has their own opinion. At the end of the day you have to like what you write.
