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Author Topic: a fallacy  (Read 117 times)

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Offline PSM

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a fallacy
« on: February 16, 2012, 10:52 PM »
revised

We fell
into autumn leaves
(spiraling upward)
a winter's breeze.

We kissed
(forgetting
a connection)
touching.

Footsteps
in the
muddied snow

a submission
to fantasy.



original
We fell
into autumn leaves
(spiraling upward)
a winter's breeze.

We kissed
(forgetting
a connection)
touching.

Footsteps
in the
muddied snow

(reminders)
(secrets not so secret)

a submission
to fantasy.
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Offline witt

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Re: a fallacy
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2012, 06:04 AM »


I like this. It creates a lovely image. I'm not so sure about those parentheses, though.


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Offline PSM

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Re: a fallacy
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2012, 08:01 AM »
Thank you Witt for your comment.
At the moment, I'll meet you half way.
Nonetheless, as usual, you have me thinking.

Take care,

Paul
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Offline 7

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Re: a fallacy
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2012, 01:37 PM »
nice, I like this

kind of agree with witt about the parentheses—
then again, I dunno, maybe not enough to suggest changing it

I like the revised edition best, that much I'm sure of


always a pleasure
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Offline champagne_shoes

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Re: a fallacy
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2012, 11:53 AM »
Hello My Favourite Marsupial,

submission to fantasy is an intoxicant. lovely to read your words this season.
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"A community of poets is like a community of cats." joey

Online Halo

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Re: a fallacy
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2012, 07:21 AM »


Hi Paul, I'm reading and thinking this is a quick glimpse into a moment of closeness.
But then your title threw me, made me wary...not so sure. Good to read you again.
Halo
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Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.  ~  Ira Gassen

Offline Nikaya

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Re: a fallacy
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2012, 08:22 PM »
I luv the fallacy/metaphor behind this piece, PSM. Reminds of these :

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her (Oscar Wilde)

I never saw a wild thing
Sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
Self-Pity (DH Lawrence 1929)

You could both focus and reduce the wordage of this write even more INVHO

enjoyed

N
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