Topic: clarity of vision

[Halo]

I read you word for word
from first thought
through your dreams
and nightmares

each comma
period
intimate cough

every time you slept
wept
kept going for appearance sake

saw your photographs
meaningful wrinkles and
the blank spaces of lovers
who left no trace.

*

[Kay]

Halo,
I am surprised no one h as responded to this. I like the lines esp. about the photographs.
I can imagine running a finger across the actual picture to connect with the wrinkles in the photographs.

[Halo]

Hi Kay, do you ever wonder when you're finished a poem how it actually got to be what it is, this one took me by surprise?
Thanks for reading and commenting. 

[Kay]

Halo, yes, they do evolve that way don't they? I like when that happens, when the end
took me someplace I didn't expect to be. Even if I don't post something, I benefit from it.
So I do know what you are saying. 

[daisyxo]

Halo, this is a nice piece ... it feels as if you're rendering a comment on someone's writing, feeling it, visualizing .... and it feels personal, like you really live it.  I think the only thing that could make it stand out more would be punctuation, so the pauses give you a chance to soak it in. 

[Halo]

You're sooooo close daisyxo, sooooo close. I remember hearing a song, a little while later a single thought, then the whole piece.
So good to have you back!
Ah, it didn't come with punctuation. 

[daisyxo]

aha, well at least I was close    it's good to be back, thank you 

[dublinsteve]

A decent write. I think you could leave off the last time.

[Halo]

Steve, I'm pleased you think so. Thank you.
Leave the last line off eh? I will think on that.