Author Topic: A Pen That Works (Video Reading)  (Read 2890 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Marxistglue

  • Alley Cat
  • *
  • Posts: 16
A Pen That Works (Video Reading)
« on: October 12, 2011, 02:26 AM »
This is me reading one of my poems. I guess I was just wondering what people thought of it. Thanks.

A Pen That Works - Chris Jones

Offline PSM

  • Alley Cat
  • *
  • Posts: 25
Re: A Pen That Works (Video Reading)
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2011, 11:12 AM »
I'm giddy with excitement.
Your words captured me.
Resonated.
Plowed through me.
Beautiful.

Now, for the rest of the story...

Your pacing,
enunciation,
were spot on.

There were so many images
that enthralled me.
Too many for me to remember.
I loved your words about
putting heroin in your mouth
and biting into your veins
--
or something like that.

I'm a fan.

Please, share more.

Take care of yourself,

Paul

Offline Bill

  • Paragon
  • *
  • Posts: 1639
Re: A Pen That Works (Video Reading)
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2011, 10:07 PM »
Marxistglue,

If simply written out, it would be a journal entry.

Given voice, more of a monotone than any real inflection invested in the presention, it was boring.  Among the few concrete images, there were too many abstract rants. 

I'm pretty much convinced that if I had the written form in front of me, it could be edited down to about ten lines, at most, without loosing any significant content.

In addition, staring at the same picture for over five minutes didn't help.

Bill