Topic: Sparrow

[Mystic1]

Loreena McKennitt - Dante's Prayer + lyrics

as I lay dreaming
I found myself a sparrow
restless and wanting
this solitary journey
no longer satisfying

I shall seek you out
soar from season to season
joined with the currents
at one with the wind
burdened with longing the urge
to know your shelter

once i plummeted
to earth from distant cold stars
single dewdrop's fall
banished from captive twilight
by cruel vanity

how I yearn to reach
the warmth of that golden orb
burn away darkness
these woven gossamer wings
shudder in their chrysalis

young bold Icarus
how you melted throughout time
as one born too soon
yet I seem arrived too late
discovering desire

in sacred spaces
a plentitude between breaths
chasing history
all of us fall forgetful
into the River of Lethe

within prayerful depths
still air charged with silent Hope
upon entering
this vastness wherein dwells all
I have long sought your whisper

beyond the knowing
this search lies within our Selves
becoming as one
winged sparrows merge with the Son
at long last the Truth made flesh

[Halo]

 emotion and feeling swamp overcome me, G, what a write! 

[Mystic1]

Thanks, B. You've been swamped, eh? hands you mosquito repellent and a snake-bite kit 

[Halo]

Thanks, B. You've been swamped, eh? hands you mosquito repellent and a snake-bite kit 

ooookaaaay smarty pants...swamped is out, we'll try overcome.    

 

[Halo]

Being plagued with a curious streak, I'm curious as to why no one else has commented on G's piece. 



sticky beak Halo 

[witt]

Well, I didn't know if this were the lyrics to a song in the video or what. I can't get videos or music, so I just kept my mouth shut. Maybe the poem should have been indicated as Mystic's poem. Is it his poem? I don't know.

[Mystic1]

Witt, I'm sorry that you can't get video. Perhaps I should have been more clear. But, yes, it is my poem. The lyrics in the song were meant to be 'mood' music for the piece. Please feel free to comment on the poem...even without the accompanying music. 

[daisyxo]

I wanted to read this poem, and then reread it before commenting.  I still haven't had a chance to listen to the mood music (so I'll be reading it again when it's quiet) --- but, I felt the reverance without the music, the mood set itself, and I wanted to soar with the sparrow.  This was a grand write G, your soul flight of recent events, perhaps - and a good flight to be on.

 

[Mystic1]

Thanks, Marsha. The song I chose, Dark Night of the Soul

[Bill]

Halo,

Your curiousity arouses my own.  You were overcome with "emotion and feeling."  Well and good.  Is it your expectation that all who read, "Sparrow," would be just as overcome?  Are you perplexed at the absence of any other commentary, by the absence of readers writing about positive impacts, such as you experienced?

What if someone were to write that the absence of sound grammatical structure, specifically punctuation, the presence of run on phrasing, and multiple metaphors (sparrow...no chrsalis...no, wind...no, dewdrop...no, we are all sparrows..) weakens the poem's potential.  Ah.  But that would be critique, and this forum is only for comment, not critique.

But commentary might be that the poem is cliche' both in its choices of imagery and in seeking to amalgamate contradictory theological philosophies.  While that is allowed (flash the poetic license) and may result in a  personal and fulfilling write for the author and some readers, it may not speak to a given reader who disagrees with that approach.  Would such a comment be what you were expecting, or surprise you and generate rancor towards the "barbarian" who dared to naysay Mystic's presentation, especially in the light of his recent hardfought victory over a frightening disease? 

Take it another step.  What if someone suggested that as soon as Mystic starts to comment on his work, that person will start to comment on Mystic's?  But that would be a cheap shot and unworthy of anyone who, as Mystic does, writes for personal fulfillment, not to receive public accolades.  He has earned his place as a host.  However, one might ask why you are so concerned about the absence of commentary on this thread, and not as concerned about the absence of same on other threads? 

In brief, curiousity killed the cat.  So, too, responses to your curiousity might kill this poem, or. at least, jaundice it.   Far better to enjoy and appreciate it for its impact on you, and not concern yourself with the absence of comment on the part of others.  After all, in the final analysis, poetry as an art is a buffet. Rejoice that you found a dish that satisfies your hunger.  Allow others to cast about for more satisfying fare.

Regards,
Bill

 

[Halo]

Bill,

You call me to account, asking me if I expect from others all the points you have brought up. That is unreasonable considering that I never once put any expectation on anyone. I asked a very simple question, I did not ask anything of anyone or suggest they view the poem the way I did.  I have no right to suggest to people how to comment, what to comment, or to even comment. Take a look at my question again, Bill, seriously is there any cause for umbrage by anyone?

My curiosity as to why there had been no further comments was based on the fact that there had been a number of readings apart from mine and no one commented. Not because I thought everyone should enjoy the poem like I did and how dare they not.

My apologies that this upset you so.

regards,
Berenice

[Bill]

Halo,

I am not upset.  I'm being logical.  And offered logical possibilities as to why someone might not comment.  A person might only have critique to offer.  Not appropriate here.  A person might consider the content weak.  But why make waves in a forum supposedly dedicated to "Haiku, Limerick, Zen, Mookuka, and Other Fun Poetry?"  If one is aware of Mystic's recent victory, why rain on that parade?  Comment for comment might be a fair consideration, but no one is in this for personal recognition. 

In addition, your response makes my point.  The number of reads versus the number of comments should not be a matter of concern at all.  Or it should be a matter of equal concern.  Several other posts receive more or less reads, but few, if any readers actually comment.  Take cy street's (bish's) posts.  Tens, if not hundreds of reads.  Relatively few comments.  Yet no one wonders why so few comment about his posts. 

If, as you state, you have no right to suggest to people how to comment, what to comment, or to even comment, why raise the question at all? 

Bottomline is my bottomlines in the previous post.  "Far better to enjoy and appreciate it for its impact on you, and not concern yourself with the absence of comment on the part of others.  After all, in the final analysis, poetry as an art is a buffet. Rejoice that you found a dish that satisfies your hunger.  Allow others to cast about for more satisfying fare."

You did not upset me.  You merely peaked my curiousity.  Now, that has been satisfied.  So, I move on.

Regards,
Bill