Topic: FOUND POEMS

[witt]

A Found Poem is a passage of prose presented as a poem (usually from a non- or sub-literary source, esp. advertising matter) The transmormation involves rearranging the lines on the page, (juxtaposition,) deletion, but (strictly speaking) you are not allowed to ADD words..altho most poets working in this genre add a few (but you MUST state "impure" or offer a % of impurity. Impure is defined as a "reworking with additions" sometimes referred to as "assisting"--hence "an assisted found poem". ). Found Poems are usually absurdly humorous, or simply absurd.

[absurdal]

Are you a "poetry "slammer"?? Well, i'm certain one of the following will be coming to a city near you soon. Be sure to practice in a LOUD vibratic tremolo--including wild bodily gesticulations and numinous run-on indecipherable metaphors. That should impress the judges and assure you of a finalist podium berth. See you at the Nationals!

 
 
SLAM DUNK

(actual local & national 'poetry slams')
 
uptown poetry slam
downtown poetry slam
inner city poetry slam
urban soul poetry slam
ghetto blast poetry slam
dead poets poetry slam
poverty poetry slam
homeless poetry slam
gypsy poetry slam
jazz poetry slam
hip hop poetry slam
fake rap poetry slam
rock n' roll poetry slam
r & b poetry slam
lesbian poetry slam
women of the world poetry slam
gay poetry slam
queer poetry slam
retarded poetry slam
special poetry slam
broken speech poetry slam
erotic poetry slam
naked poetry slam
fantasy poetry slam
white house poetry slam
presidential poetry slam
progressive poetry slam
south african poetry slam
democracy matters poetry slam
writing wrongs poetry slam
protest poetry slam
anti-war poetry slam
poets for peace poetry slam
hippie poetry slam
beatnik poetry slam
anti drug poetry slam
spiritual poetry slam
third eye poetry slam
the OM Center poetry slam
illuminating bible poetry slam
funky buddha poety slam
japanese poetry slam
haiku poetry slam
j.j's pizza poetry slam
mcdonalds poetry slam
kentucky fried poetry slam
werewolf poetry slam
vampire poetry slam
full moon poetry slam
star trek poetry slam
star wars poetry slam
senior citizens poetry slam
alzheimer's poetry slam
afro american poetry slam
white supremacist poetry slam
jewish poetry slam
anti-israel poetry slam
arab poetry slam
muslim poetry slam
terrorist poetry slam (cancelled)
christian poetry slam
shout out loud poetry slam
louder than a bomb poetry slam
def poetry slam 
global warming poetry slam
11th hour poetry slam
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[absurdal]

I had a lengthy correspondence in the early 1980s with the poet of the dispossessed, the late Charles Bukowski. At the time (early 80s) he was already somewhat of an international celebrity and receiving 200 letters on average per week from fans--and detractors. I was one of a handful that he regularly corresponded with--primarily because he knew I was a horse race handicapper (I made my living betting on horses back then) and the Buk was trolling for Tips and Angles on how to analyze the Past Performance Charts in the Daily Racing Form--and I gave him plenty. If I had initially sent him a letter praising his work and goosing his rumpus, he never would have responded. "I get mostly letters from folks who want to waste my time talking about poesy and dead pantoums--a most disgusting subject" he informed me in one of his letters. During the course of our penpal relationship I would send him "found" poems gleaned from various non-poetic sources which he immensely enjoyed. Most were put-downs of the then Formalist / Neo Formalist poets who were raising their ugly hyda-heads with their moribund meter & stifling strophes. The following are 3 found poems I sent him with anti-formalist overtones.



The first one "Bukowski's Drunken Pantoum" arrived (as planned) on Christmas Eve for I had aligned it in the shape of a Christmas Tree! He loved the cleverness as well as the anti-formalist sentiment:


Bukowski's  Drunken Pantoum

(from glossary of poetic terms)

Pantoum   a form of poetry

the second and fourth line of each stanza

are repeated as the first and third lines of the next

the first and third lines of the last stanza

are the second and fourth of the penultimate

the first line of the poem is the last line of the final stanza

the third line of the first stanza is the second of the final

Bukowski's famous poem "hamonie du soir" was intended as pantoum

but Bukowski became drunk and confused about form

the stanzas rhyme abba rather than the expected abeb

and the last line which is supposed to be the same as the first is original   

Giving rise to the imperfect pantoum

in which the final stanza differs from the form stated above

and the second and fourth lines may be different from

any preceding lines...





As you can see, I substituted "Bukowski" in place of "Baudelaire" who penned the famous "hamonie du soir" and who was also known for his drunken escapades. Bukowski was a perfect fit! And BOTH had the same first name (uncanny similiarities). This found poem was eventually published in the 80s avant guarde lit mag "The Sole Proprietor" with the correct Charles ("Baudelaire") becoming drunk






The next one titled "Pluperfect Poem Before Jumping Out Of A 13th Floor Window" I sculpted in the shape of Bukowsk's head wearing a hat! He had recently received some "rejection slips" (even the well known receive them) and I told him not to worry but be sure to close all windows! He replied "clever form, perfect function, tossing these mothas out the window, they've seen too many shoes of editorial wandering, let the pigeons use them for poo-etic relief "




Pluperfect Poem
Before Jumping Out Of A
13th Floor Window (from glossary of linguistic terms)

Pluperfect aka past perfect 
 
a combination of past tense with perfect

(itself a combination of tense and aspect)

of an event completed before another past action.

"A writer who for years had thought he had reached

the absolute limit of all possible rejection slips

now found that rejection slips had no limits,

that he could suffer rejection still more and more intensely"

had thought  had reached a pluperfect event

(a man thinks he is reaching his limit)

which takes place before another event

(the man realizes that there is no limit)

the second subsequent event

is itself a past event

the pluperfect is needed to make it clear

that the first event has taken place

even earlier in the past.

Giving rise to

PLUPERFECT OF STATE

the consequence of an event

associated with that event

during a narration in the past tense

"He saw that the 13th floor window had opened,

and poems were flying through it."

is nearly the same as

"He saw that the 13th floor window was openthe 13th floor window opened yesterday

and the predicate adjective that is the past participle

the 13th floor window was open since yesterday

Giving further rise to

PLUPERFECT OF ACTION

a series of pluperfect sentences carrying a narration

and allied to the usual perfective past preterite

only to place a narration in the "more distant past"

without determining its particular

time or duration as follows:

"He had risen early that morning

and had contemplated suicide earlier than usual."








And finally, the Anti-Strophe ("hey I guess I'm considered the anti-christ of poetry, so it fits" he wrote back):




ANTI-STROPHE

Strophe   a stanza

or any less subdivision
in the triadic structure
of Pindaric verse
followed by the

Anti-Strophe

having the same number of lines
the same complex metrical arrangement
with one important exception:
the anti-strophe includes the
critical "9 verses" missing from the
conventional strophe as delineated:


Types

Two verses Three VersesFour VersesFive VersesSix VersesSeven Verses

Compound Seguidilla: 7- 5a 7- 5a 5b 7- 5b

Eight Verses

Royal Octava: ABABABCC

Copla de arte mayor: ABBAACCA

Octavilla: 4- 4a 4a 4b 4- 4c 4c 4b

Nine Verses

Cat-O-Nine Tails

Decima o Domina BDSMBDSM

Copla de Copulatus

Foutre Formalisma (F*** Formalism)of course, for those entrenched in scansion study, there really are no number "9 verses" (only 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10)..until now!

[/i][/font]

[witt]

Oh, how clever. I don't think I'd ever have the expertise to write in this format, but I sure as heck enjoyed the ride!!

My very favorite was "Pluperfect Poem."


More! Give me more! (With explanations to guide me!)

[absurdal]

Thanks CD..Glad you enjoyed!

Well, gotta run..this time the Boston Marathon! Boy, do I just love winning at Boston--without breaking a sweat! Without going anywhere! 



Heartbreak Hill

(from a gym membership brochure)  

Welcome to World Gym.
Please take a moment 
to familiarize yourself
with our new Treadmill 
 
Grab hold of the
padded handrails,
press the S button
and begin to stride out
 
As you lengthen stride,
the Electric Fan on the left
automatically adjusts
to body temperature
so you will never sweat
 
The CD Player
on the front console
is also activated--
playing your
favorite rap songs
at full volume
   
Now press V and a
Virtual Screen appears
on your LCD TV
and you are now
running in the famous
Boston Marathon!
 
Press A to gradually
accelerate your pace 
and watch as you pass
runner after runner.
 
Nearing the finish
(when prompted)
press the Incline Button
and you are now
climbing Heartbreak Hill
as many runners
are dropping back.
 
The Dolby Digital Sound
are the thousands of
spectators on the sidelines 
cheering you on as you
cross the Finish Line.
 
Congratulations! You just won
the Boston Marathon
without breaking a sweat.
Running as fast as the machine allows
  without moving forward an inch.

Now that I won FIRST PRIZE at Boston, I'll take some of the proceeds and buy my wife a nice pair of hole-y jeans. Hows about the latest from Europe? YIKES, there went all my $$$$$$$$$$

WAR ZONE

(from a Fall Fashion
Catalogue of Designer Jeans)   


Welcome to Denim Delights,
the place to shop for the 
the latest in designer jeans.
Take a peek at our upcoming
Fall Fashions:

We begin with a pair of
MILDLY DISTRESSED
with fraying around the 
front & back pockets &
across leg openings.
(Sorry, no rips, tears
or holes). 
$49

Next, we bring back our popular
EXTREMELY DISTRESSED
line with fraying around pockets
and down sides, rips & tears
on the front & back, medium-
sized holes on the buttocks.
HIP!
$99                                            

Here is a sneak peak
at our trendy fall line of
DESTROYED JEANS.
Guaranteed 20 or more 
rips, tears, holes & frays
front and back with paint
splotches throughout.
Wow!
$249    

Finally (just in from Europe)
we are proud to present our
TOTAL DESTRUCTION 
denim for the upcoming season
with HUGE rips, tears, holes, frays
and paint splatter everywhere!
Guaranteed to look like it's
been through a War Zone
after a losing battle. Only
$999


 

[absurdal]

Here are 2 Found Poems from the Directory of  VA Benefits  (Veterans Administration)
 

HEADSTONE SERVICE

(from Directory Of VA Benefits)
 
Headstone or
grave marker
furnished
upon request
for any member
of the
Armed Forces
whose last
tour of service
was terminated honorably 
 
by death
 
 
Headstone provided without
 
cost
 
 
 
"Death" the only honor? Further, is not the sacrifice of a soldiers life for country the ULTIMATE COST??   
 
 


VA Automobile

(from Directory Of  VA Benefits)
 
A veteran who suffered a service-connected loss
 
    of one hand or one foot
 
    or one knee or one hip 
 
    or permanent loss of use of
 
    one hand or one foot
 
    or permanent impairment of vision
 
    of both eyes
 
is entitled to an Automobile 
 
 
Payment up to $9,000 provided
 
     ---excluding adaptive equipment
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[absurdal]

Here are 2 founders reworked from an internet pickup & seduction guide. Both written by a woman obviously attempting to sell her guide to the  desperate & lonely..    
 
 
 
The first: "Approaching Girls At The Mall"  Smile! Smile! Smile!, but don't expect  a response (maybe a drink poured over your head!). 
 
 
Approaching Girls At The Mall

(from an internet pickup & seduction guide)

Approaching groups of women
at the mall can be
extremely intimidating
 
Like a pack of wolves.
they can rip you apart
 
I've seen men cussed at
totally ignored 
drinks poured over them.
 
But if you do the
approach RIGHT
and follow my
5 easy steps
your success 
will yield great
results
 
     Step 1
 
Walk around the mall
and when you catch a
woman's eye
smile at her--
more often than not
she'll smile back .
 
Start with shop employees
SMILE SMILE SMILE
(if they don't want to smile back
at least you've brightened their day)
 
     Step 2
 
Once you've gained confidence
making eye contact
and a smile with staff,
move onto other women
in the mall
(no big weird
freaky smiles,
just normal
friendly ones)
 
     Step 3
 
As you stroll   
around the mall,
begin saying  "hi"
with a smile to women
(and men if you like)
It will feel HORRIBLE at first
but slowly after an hour or two
it'll seem easy
 
After you smiled and said hi
to 20 or 30 women
you should start to experience
a good feeling
 
     Step 4
 
You are now ready
to approach women
you dont know
 
Let's suppose two ladies
are sitting together
on a mall bench
One is the 'ugly' one
and one is the 'hot' one
(the one you would like to
get to know)
Go up to them
and talk to them NOW!
Don't waste time!
Within 3 seconds of seeing them,
approach them.
Dont think about the approach
or you'll work yourself into
such a condition that
you'll pussy out altogether
 
So within 3 seconds
go TALK to her!
(don't worry I'll tell you
WHAT to say 
in a future lesson)
     
     Step 5
 
Congratulations!
You now have the
confidence to walk up
to beautiful women
at the shopping mall
 
One last important tip: 
ALWAYS ALWAYS   
approach a woman
from the side
or an angle from the front
NEVER from behind.
 
If you go up to the group
and approach from behind
you will INSTANTLY
receive hostile stares
 
ALWAYS
ALWAYS
ALWAYS
go in from the
side


 
 

If you're poor or ugly and expect to pick up beautiful women after purchasing & following this gals advice,  I have some land here in Florida--cheap.      
 
 
 
How To Pick Up Women
                ----Even If You're Bald Fat or Ugly                                   
               
(from an internet pickup & seduction guide)

Are you tired of women passing you by?
Are you fed up having to settle for ugly women?
Are you annoyed how the same few guys get all the sexy girls?
 
Modern day Casanovas & studs
understand what women want
and know how to manipulate them
to their sexual advantage
 
Give me a minute of your time 
and I will reveal the secret that will
skyrocket your sex life and make
women beg you to date them
 
We aren't talking about magic here
   or baloney
 
We're talking about PROVEN simple steps
   that will make a woman fall for you
   big time  every time
 
It does NOT matter if you are
   ugly bald or fat
 
Women will flock to you from all corners of the bar
 
It does NOT matter what age you are
   18 or 80
 
Women will flock to you from all corners of the restaurant
 
It does NOT matter if you have a
   low paying job
 
Women will flock to you from all corners of the supermarket
 
You see, women have emotionally evolved brains
    that DENY logic
 
That's why so many women fall for the
    same ass hole guys
 
There logical brains are telling them
    that they will be cheated on
 
There logical brains are telling them
    that they will be lied to
 
There logical brains are telling them
   that they will be messed up
 
And they are right
 
Use my techniques and you will
  turn off her logical side
  and have almost any woman
  in your spell
 
I will make you trigger
   ALL of the emotional attraction
   switches in the female mind
   in 7 minutes
   and have them fall in love with you
   with frightening regularity
 
Women will be like putty in your hands
 
Anywhere you go
   women will be fighting over you
 
Anywhere you go
  women will throw themselves on you
 
Anywhere you go
  women will want to date you
   
  and the best thing is
  they won't know why!

[witt]

Did you find out the answer to "How to Pick Up Women?" I would love to know how someone could make me be putty in their hands.   

[absurdal]

easy: you filch some kids play putty,  bring it over and my cupped hands (not veins!) will await you --stuffed with diamonds as big as the ritz. Simply mush the putty into my hands, the diamonds with stick, and you'll just love to be putty in my hands-- now won't ya??? My address is.....

[absurdal]

some more founders from the master of the absurd (who me??)

this one has speciall meaning.  Back in the 1970s, I began submitting conventional poems for the mad editors scrutiny--only to receive rejection after rejection (mostly "form letter" rejections).  Almost every rejection slip ended with "Good Luck,"  So what I did was take those "Good Lucks" from rejection slips, bundled them into a poem, and submitted it.

                                     

BAD LUCK                                         
                                     
                                (from rejection slips)
         
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,
          GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK,GOOD LUCK, 
                                                               GOOD LUCK                               

  And got accepted!!! How ironic! My first acceptance the direct result of 50 rejection slips! Good CAN come from bad!! Now you know why I have such a special affinity for the found poem format!



it seems like it's getting tougher these days to find journals that will accept your submissions without heavy restrictions (constrictions!). I tried to build a "submission" story with the following. I just didn't randomely toss these together. Days of hard work went into this. Some folks (who are new to founders) believe its easy to re-work a prose passage.  Not true. Days of juxtaposition, worrying over lineage (line breaks), deletions...building a story..well, good luck with YOUR submissions  
 
 
 
 

WE  NO LONGER ACCEPT SUBMISSIONS... 
   
  (submission guidelines of magazines, journals) 

are you in P.I.N. Hell?? I sure am!


P.I.N. Hell

(from tips to avoid identity theft)


With the advent of
online bank accounts
E-mail IDs and official logins
it is common to have
HUNDREDS of
Passwords and                                   
PIN Numbers
 
To avoid identity theft
it is important that you 
follow these 4 simple
rules:
 
    1.
 
Never Write Them Down
 
    2.
 
Use only long combinations
of letters & numbers i.e. 
2v87ghf54hgtfdbqrSTTr
   
   3.
 
Avoid using the same
numbers & letters
on multiple Pins
 
   4. 
 
Commit All Passwords
and Pin Numbers to 
memory.



HELP!! Anyone have a copy of Harry Lorayne's "Book Of Memory" they can lend me!!!!!
  



Last trip to my Barns & Noble superstore I noticed a plethora of "For Dummies" .books.  I even spotted a few "For Idiots" What's next? "For Morons" For Imbeciles?? It's turning into a bookstore for retarded people. I took some "for dummies" titles and attempted to build a little story between a man & a woman beginning with "Dating, then "Sex"  then "Pregnancy" then "Marriage" and on & on, ending in.....  


Pregnancy, Marriage, Divorce
                   --For Dummies  
 
(titles from "for dummies" series of books)
 
Dating For Dummies
 
French Wine For Dummies
 
Sex For Dummies
 
Pregnancy For Dummies
 
Anxiety & Depression For Dummies
 
Weddings For Dummies
 
Making Marriage Work For Dummies
 
Parenting For Dummies
 
Baby Names For Dummies
 
Potty Training For Dummies
 
Post Partum Depression For Dummies
 
Chocolate Lover's Cookbook For Dummies
 
Sexual Lovemaking For Dummies
 
Dungeon Master For Dummies"
 
Making Millions For Dummies
 
Casino Gambling For Dummies
 
Addiction & Recovery For Dummies
 
My Space For Dummies
 
Estate Planning For Dummies 
 
Selling Your Business For Dummies
 
Asset Allocation For Dummies
 
Divorce For Dummies
 
Home Improvement For Dummies
 
 
 
"home improvement?" yeah! once you toss the bum out! 




And finally: Do you suffer from IADS ?


Internet Addiction Disorder Syndrome                                               

(from an internet encyclopedia of online disorders)
 

Are you preoccupied with the Internet?
Do you spend most of your time in
Chat Rooms  IM or Social Networking?
 
Are you depressed when attempting
to cut down or stop Internet use?
 
If you answered YES to
one or more questions,
you suffer from Internet
Addiction Disorder
Syndrome or
 
IADS
 
According to Stanford 
School Of Medicine
1 out of 8 Americans
suffer from IADS
 
IADS is also
a growing concern
among nations
worldwide 
 
TREATMENT/ CURES:
 
Government of China funded a military-style boot camp
to combat the disease with 70% recovery rate               
 
Germany's SSS (social security services) instituted the first camp of its kind
in Europe to cure 1 million people addicted to the Internet   
 
The first Detoxification Center to treat video game addiction opened In Amsterdam   
 
The Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) cut Internet use in school dormitories
after the suicide of an IIT student due to Internet abuse
 
The first inpatient treatment for detoxing from Internet Addiction
was launched in the US last summer.The program is open to adults
obsessed with gaming, texting, online auctions or social interaction
Please email or send a text message for more details.


 
Please email or send a text message for more details??!!!!!!
Aren't you contributing to my addiction by asking me to do this???    
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[absurdal]

Every Animal A Trophy

(Minnesota hunter discussing
what a Trophy should really mean)  
 
When we hunt
we must work hard,
we obey the law,
we are ethical, and
we are reverent.
 
Every animal
taken -young or
old, buck or doe,
calf or fawn -
is a  "trophy".
 
They are gifts
of the land
and when
receiving a gift
it is rude
to criticize or
refuse it
 
 

 

[Halo]

Hi absurdal...you've given me a smile and a chuckle and a head spin as well. Talk about prolific posting!!!!
Enjoyed your stuff immensely.
Halo.

[Halo]

aaaaand most importantly a warm welcome to the Alley. 

[absurdal]

smile and a chuckle and a head spin

Halo: good things happen in threes..( Haikus?). Thanks..it seems no one else wants to join in the found fun so i've become a poster of one..a poster? (better than an imposter!).