Author Topic: random thoughts, not-yet-whiny  (Read 3275 times)

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Offline Soft Words

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random thoughts, not-yet-whiny
« on: October 12, 2009, 08:55 PM »
I've been thinking about home a lot, lately. Not as in homesick, because I can imitate my mother's cooking well enough that I can lull myself into thinking I'm home and just eating alone. Sometimes I cook for friends, and they like it too.

I've been thinking about how hard my parents have had to work all their lives, and how it is wearing them down. The joy and work of parenting my brother and I would have been enormous since we have such different personalities and needs. I worry about my brother driving himself crazy trying to find a job in this economy, and I want to bring him here with a good job. I want to fix everything that is possibly stressing my family out.

This morning I spoke to my mother. She said they're more comfortable now that I'm living on my own money, even if I'm unable to send them any cash. The money I was counting on being able to send them was to fund my own marriage a few years from now, but for now, I am living paycheck to paycheck. Which royally sucks, but atleast I have a ginormous bed and my own apartment.

I've been doing a 30:30 here, which is almost at an end. I'm doing Nanowrimo next month, and I really should start working on an outline for  my story. It is a crazy idea that I will actually write 1200 words a day next month since I will be on call every fourth night. And I will be in the ICU midway through the month taking care of babies that were born too early. It is a daunting thought.

eventually I want to be published, have one book out there with my name on it. I want to do well on my exam this week. I want to buy a car and I want to survive this winter without depending on random someone else to get me to work. I want to be able to save a life or two, fix things in a jiffy. Mostly, I think, I want to relearn how to write, and wait.
Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.