Topic: Tanka Territory

[witt]

Welcome to Tanka Territory

I just realized that we don't have a thread devoted to tanka. I think that we should because we have such wonderful writers.

Tanka are 31-syllable poems that evoke a moment or mark an occasion. The form of tanka is five syllabic units containing 31 syllables; 5-7-5-7-7.  Let's allow the tanka here to be either way. Five lines, with the whole poem equaling thirty-one syllables or adhere to the form of 5-7-5-7-7. (We will not use this a a tag area.) Either way, I hope to see some beautiful tanka created here. Feel free to attach a symbol such as a beautiful picture to go with it.

I'll give it a shot to get it started.

This is five lines with thirty-one syllables.

fog swirls over the trees
the sun is still asleep
no moon is perceived
lone bird sitting on a bare branch
singing her wake up tune

I showed you mine; let's see yours.

Feel free to reply to this thread and enter your tanka!

[Mystic1]

Thanks Witt, I love this idea. Okay, so I've begun with the Traditional line breaks and syllable count...but you know me, I'll have to play with it eventually. 

stagnant winter wind
unmoved twilight clouds obscure
distant stars' cold spark
single flickering candle
soon fades in pale wisps of smoke

[witt]

Great job! Perfect 5-7-5-7-7!

Either way is accepted.

Write On!

[Mystic1]

love's promises,
empty as this lone beach,
dashed upon the shores of betrayal.
tear - stained blue eyes
revealed the longing in her heart.

[witt]

Super! Ah, you ventured out of your security! Well done!

[Mystic1]

still frozen rivers
run beneath their solid ice.
even in winter; 
nature lays bare hidden truth,
rules are meant to be broken.

[Mystic1]

In keeping with my initial assertion, and the above Tanka; I've broken the rules, as they pertain to Traditional line breaks. But I've restrained myself and kept to conventional onji count (31) and true spirit of Tanka; which is meant to be erotic in nature...

pink moon sets
wet grass, bare toes.
wild strawberries,
chip ice,
turn wooden paddle,
pour sugar...
ice cream drips
on baby - doll pajamas.

[witt]

I can't fault you for that!

I love those summer images.

[Mystic1]

Actually, this came out of a longer piece I'd written a while back...I put it on a diet so that if would fit into those tight Tanka jeans. That was suprisingly much more difficult than I thought it would be. But obviously all those crunches and leafy greens worked...and in the end, we get to eat ice cream in our pajamas.   

[Mystic1]

life would be simpler
if only the guide were clear,
A Magi's vision -
Ah, but to follow a star
one must travel in the dark.

[Soft Words]

corsets and kisses

play up secret lines
curving shyly before you.
trail champagne ice here
on wet lips and sun-kist skin
writhing in leather and silk.

ummmm. do i pass?

[Mystic1]

Absolute pass from me. You know, English is a funny thing. A Kist also means a chest (as in a pirate's kist of gold), or a stone or wooden coffin dating from the Stone Age. Maybe your archeologist could use that?

[Soft Words]

hmmmmm. that is interesting. I'll ask him if he knew that.

I suck at syllable counting. Always good to pass.

[Mystic1]

Me too...I think that's the most difficult thing about writing syllabically (hmmm, is that even a word? I bet Witt will know.) structured poetry, finding the words that fit and still express the mood you're attempting to convey. It will do one thing for you though, build your vocabulary.  I'm just glad someone joined in, I was getting a lil lonely in here all by myself. G.